i'm back.i've actually been intending to update this blog for a long time and one thing led to another, coupled by my impeccable ability to procrastinate. anyway, all's very well and perhaps it's fate that i'm gonna revive this blog on none other than my 18th birthday.

E I G H T E E N. (PS. melho you should stop turning-seventeen.com liao lor. so passe.) 18 - the "legal" age that lets you freely drink, watch M18 films and club or as willy puts it, i can "own all the drunkards with my lame jokes." Then again, to me, drinking, clubbing, or watching M18 films is no big deal when beer tastes like shit, clubbing is a waste of money and M18 films can be downloaded. But, eighteen also makes that broad jump 2 cm harder and that 2.4 10 seconds tougher.

I dunno who actually still reads a blog that is 2 months un-updated and the display picture that is no longer there (grace, do something!). So unless there's some activity on the tagboard, it's pretty much me, myself and i here. which makes it easier for me to pen all the little thought i've had today. and i feel i should pen them down while they're still floating in my mind (rather than type out my econs essay heh).

And so, the first few hours of my birthday was spent falling asleep unknowingly on my bed. awoke at 7am this morning to a very surreal feeling due to the good rest and realised that today was the 11th of april. quickly brushed da teeth and changed da clothes and looked at my handphone. quite a few sms-es, the most memorable of which is mr james lee threatening to "come to your house and strip you lol". Arrived in school to watch a video tribute (feels like im leaving some organisation and makes me feel damn old lah. but thanks james. really. even for the last part that's so screwed up). And i think i'm a magnet for clothes that go wrong or something. My birthday present from the odacians last year was a blue tee that read "corny" (in painty marker) and this year its 2 cookbooks plus spongebob boxers. wtf. But the best present was certainly my birthday card, for as cliche-ish as the cliche is, the heart is what really counts. And i was pretty touched at how people whom ive not taken the opportunity to engage with still wished me well. And although every message contained either a "fei" "lame" or "funny" i'm really thankful for this bunch of people who "friend me" no matter how much i torture them with the stuff that i call jokes.

The day passed pretty uneventfully. The highlight of the day (or night) was the dinner i had with gerard, willy, weepin, yizhang, teddy, muthu. The "guys night out" could pretty much be summed up in three words - damp screwed up (and we all know that's meant in a good way). Dinner was at none other than S11 where we devoured ban mian (me, sirlion steak), indian rojak with tempeh and hotplate deer meat. S11 never fails to deliver. Of course, the night wouldn't be complete without the obligatory visit to bubble tea shop where i was treated to a cup of suibian. that tasted like shit, seriously, the auntie still had the cheek to say her "coffee is always the best". the aftertaste is damn stun. teddy brought cards and we, being guai rj students, didnt wish to play anything that might suggest gambling, played the harmless game of pomelo. which was shit fun because the themes included bubble tea names, name of person to the right, and S11 dishes with a sinister twist. being an all guys out night, we were allowed our level of vulgar-ness (not to be confused with vulgarities), insanity, loudness, crudeness, and boyish-ness. and it was amazing how all that "guy stuff" we shared among us dissolved any frostiness because half were my 4A classmates and half were my np mates. and i seriously never laugh so much in a long long time. and as they say, laughter is truly the best medicine and its free somemore.

for those that weren't there, these moments of craziness and fellowship, you'll find hard to understand. as always, for those who shared this night with me, the best way to preserve the memories will be in these snippets of words: wayang coffee shop auntie; ZLPJF; best tulang; company names on bums; zj why you so extra. and many many more.

In the universe's grand scheme of things, 18 is not much. But turning 18 makes me feel that much older and that less "youthful". And like the line from robbie william's song eternity goes, "youth is wasted on the young" is quite apt at describing the feeling i get when i look back at my brief "youth". It wasn't very remarkable and it slipped through like a thief in the night. I guess its only natural to regret about lost time and lost chances, but it doesnt make it any less regretful. Yet, im thankful for a youth that was spent in RI, with my buddies, although i wasnt the very vibrant, "youthful" hippy hoppy of teenagers, i thank them for being screwed up with me. Although 18 still means you're not exactly adult yet, you know you've passed a phase of laughing at the silliest things, asking the stupidest of questions or doing the most perculiar of things like chionging from ri to rj just to eat cup noodles at recess. There's also a sense that "schooling" as we define it will change after JC, and people will go separate ways and pursue separate dreams and before we know it, our age will start with a 2. I guess turning 18 brought all these fleeting thoughts, pensiveness and nostalgia.

and nostalgia is what i'll tackle first. JC2 will past in a blink of the eye. just look at us now, its already april and 2 more exams and the year is roughly over. and much nostalgia for my school comes from all the memories ive had with odac and the final capping one that comes this weekend. odac has, in its own way, impacted my jc life tremendously. i wont say it has taught me grand things or shaped me in phenomenal ways but it was simply, my life.

i have this habit of listening to the radio at night, to be more precise, class95. and i dont know why, but everytime class95 dishes out its dose of love songs, it will sweep me with waves of nostalgia for odac, for the time on the buses, the singing and the laughing. and the ultimate song that nostalgia-lises me is shape of my heart by backstreet boys. as i listen to it now, i still remember the lame karaoke boy band cd i bought. and retelling stories from odac would see no end. to be very honest, the pass few weeks, ive been a little depressed by the "state of affairs" in my batch, how we're somewhat disunited, how we're beginning to drift and even asking myself how close are we really? is our "closeness" all just an appearence? and all that really made me a little sad, thinking about whether these friends will be the "lifetime" bonds (as neville describes them always), whether these people the "investment" of my JC life. and today, all those messages on the birthday card really brought me out of the state of despair, because much as many may drift after we separate, there are still some who will remain. seeing all those messages on the card just reminded me how our fewer meetings need not erode our friendships. and it just reminded me how each and every one of them are keepers of my memories. and i thank God for these bunch of friends, these special group of people, these odacians. And i guess as we embark on our final expedition this weekend, more of this will happen.

It's already 2am now but i feel the urge to clear all that i'm feeling in my heart. turning 18, may i add as a painful reminder, means that i (and the rest of us) will face the a levels. and daunting as it sounds, it certainly is comforting to know you're gonna go it with friends who mug nights with you, stress over papers with you and as long as we pace ourselves it should turn out fine. to friends who will suffer with me soon, i thank you in advance.

My birthday and to a larger extent, my "years", my "teens" would certainly not be what they were without people whom i call friends. i feel an urge (its 2.05am gosh) to thank individuals and i know the tendency for people to feel disappointed when they dont see their name there but its not because i dun appreciate you, its cause of my poor memory and for that, forgive me.

First, mr james lee. I dont use friendster and i dun write no testimonial for you. but if i had to, i wouldn't know how to put in words all the shit you've done for me. for being a friend since the earliest of recent memory (sec 1), for sticking with me through odac, through all my gripes, complains, despairs, ups and downs. all the times spent talking cock when i crash your place, always ready to open your room for mahjong, and providing me with good company in sara and you. i thank you much for bringing me closer to Him and helping me acclimatise to your church. i thank you, most of all, for all the mugging we've done tgt sec 1 thru j2. while sometimes you piss me off with your big talk or your stress-inducing drawing on whiteboard crap, those moments are few and far between. i was lamenting to weepin how there was no good movie to watch today, but i think i caught the best movie ever in the form of that video. thanks bro, and thanks for sharing my faith in odac.

To mr gan nina/weepin. this birthday would not be what it was if not for that card you went all out to buy (even barring me from going out with you guys last friday) and the stupid present you got me. thank YOU for being the quiet listener to the noisy ass that i am, for being such a great friend, for accomodating me all the moments when i bug you to go out or do stuff with me or waste your time haha. to you who endured all my shit from sitting next to me in sec 3/4 all the way thru odac, for your enthusiasm and telling me that eoy is "definitely must go, no doubt about it", terima kasih. life wouldn't be half as interesting without you what with all the dominic/weepin split personality shit.

"Is your name really Willy?" Haha. how much more can i ask for in a guy with such a cool (and suggestive) name and also for someone who has stuck with me thru ALL THE SHIT we had in npcc. btc just brought back those memories where we had to screw juniors in np. all the chionging we did together. thanks brother for always joining for dinner and beyond all the laughter and jokes, i'm grateful for your sobering "words of wisdom" and "reproachments" of me. thanks for being that sobering voice of reason and maturity. Willy is rilly willy indeed. Huat to you.

Lim daoming Gerard. I'll never forget the circumstances under which we met. All the endless swearing at OBS when the two of us were left to saikang in the dark. And after that it just went downhill (i mean the swearing) as we endured two years of RE together. Thanks bro for your stupid endless chain laughter effects, your encouragement to spur me to work harder during RE, and for being such a great odacian. although you are usually serious and focussed and stuff, i know you treasure odac loads and i know you never turn down a moment of fun. because of your relative reservedness, i tend to forget to catch up with you, but im always grateful for a moment to chat with you. and more often than not, something meaningful comes out of it. Mr botak, thanks for being such a sincere friend.

Of course, mr teddy tang. the most apt word to describe would be h u a t. thanks for all the huat sessions at bubble tea, always eager to have our "np dinner". grateful for always having that time to talk cock in the mini canteen, to laugh at all my stupid comments, un funny jokes and how we should do a podcast together. If i took away anything from np, you would be a large portion of it. and my sec sch cca life would be in monocolour without all the stuff we did outside cca, all the screwed up stuff during cca and all the nonsense in between. of course, amidst the moments on nonsense, there were moments of deep insight from you and advice that you've given me (and vice versa i hope). Very huat mr tang.

And i'll be very honest here. I always have a tendency to drift apart (ironical) from friends whom i haven't met, connected with for a extended period of time. and people like muthu i always forget to go talk to, to catch up because of his and my busy schedule and the lack of opportunities to interact. And i'm very glad to you, mr muthu, to be able to take off where we left off every bubble tea session, as if no gap has separated us. to be able to laugh our asses away and have those heart to heart chats amidst bouts of insanical laughter. And every now and then, if i forget to catch up with you, nudge me in the head or poke me in the ass, and we'll get it on (in the bubble tea sense of the word).

And the most amazing thing about friendship is that you're always making new bonds or learning new things about people. People like nelson whom i havent catched up with for so long, people like yizhang that i was amazingly at ease with, people like ryand that talked so much cock with me while we go about fooling gullible j1s during our hike and so much more.

and all that brings me to the end of this post. i'm someone who really treasures friendships and perhaps because of that, im sometimes paranoid about losing them or drifting apart from these friends. but what i've always forgotten is how friendship is never static. there is no such thing as permanent friendships or lifetime bonds for all friendship is a never ending work-in-progress.